Note: I don’t claim to be an authority…LOL, but I thought I’d share my thoughts on the subject and how I approach it.
It seems like a lot of things we’re taught NOT to do in writing can all be boiled down to just a few words: Use the five senses. Yeah, I know that sounds simplistic and it certianly took me a while to get to the point where those four little words made sense, but consider the following writing rule as an example…
SHOW don’t TELL
Okay, so what do I mean by THE FIVE SENSES as they relate to the SHOW vs TELL?
This rule basically says…SHOW me the scene, don’t TELL me the scene. Sounds simple enough, right? The truth is, it’s very easy to slip into “telling” without realizing it. The best way to remember not to do this is to use the five senses to guide you away from “telling” a scene. As an example:
Instead of this…
The door slammed behind Rachel. She walked into the dark nightclub and smelled the mix of perfume and aftershaves comingled with sweat. The scent almost overwhelmed her as she peered into the dim light.
She had the name. Now to find the face.
Use the five senses to write the scene and bring it alive…
Rachel’s heart jerked when the nightclub’s door closed with a heavy thump behind her. The patrons gyrating on the lit-up dance floor had a face…unlike the others sitting in the shadows in the recesses of the room. With each step she took toward the crowd, her chest constricted in time to the music’s steady increasing beat. Her eyes watered from the strong mix of floral perfumes, spicy aftershaves and sweat in the air. She wriggled her nose to head off a sneeze and narrowed her gaze on the shadowy forms beyond the dance floor.
She had the name. Now to find the face.
In the second example above…do you “feel” it more? Feel like you’re there? I didn’t address pacing in the example I gave. I just addressed showing vs telling, but as far pacing goes, keep in mind that if the scene is supposed to be fast paced/high emotion, etc. then the long sentences I provided would need to be chopped up to “SHOW” your scene’s quicker pace as well.
Any authors reading this blog, feel free to give your 2 cents on how you make sure you SHOW vs TELL in your own writing. I’m all ears…er…eyes. 
I’m always looking for new ways to approach my writing.
In the meantime, I’ll post the five senses and ping pong POV tomorrow.
That is such a hard lesson to learn! I remember my writing teacher making huge red circles around whole paragraphs where I’d ‘told’ and not ‘showed’, lol.
Here’s what I do now – I try to spot the warning words like ‘was’, ‘there’, and ‘feel’. Too many of those and I know I’m telling too much. (She felt the cold, it was like a knife – should be: The cold cut like a knife through her jacket..)
Perfect, Sam! I love examples like that. Thanks for sharing your tips!
You’re absolutely right. Showing and not telling is key to good writing.
Great examples.
A good lesson to learn. (One I’m still working on.;)
Hi Chey! Well, it’s easier said than done, I think because as I said I think it’s so easily to slip into telling.
Hi Jordan, well, my example was kinda wordy, but I was trying to set a scene and give enough to show the difference between SHOW vs TELL.
Funny thing is when you re-write the par, readers may prefer the shorter version. As in the basics of subject/ predicate/ object mode. In a day and age of shorter pieces everywhere we look as in flash fic … (whichof course is very sad) how in the world do you expect an audience to actual enjoy the verbose second take presented here? If one really comes full force logically to show don’t tell, maybe there are serious authors who:
a. Use both — which most writings do.
Or:
b. We let go of this ridiculous adage because
c. Almost all show includes telling the show.
No offence meant.
TEFF PS: This POV is the short version.
Hi Fiona,
No offense taken. I mentioned that the wordiness would slow pacing, etc. Authors do mix it up with showing and telling when appropriate throughout a story, but this piece was just an example to highlight the difference between the two.